Me and Mom

scan0040, originally uploaded by talldrinkawater3000.

Hanna is getting all our old pictures on the computer. It's so great.

New Blog

Well, there aren't many people who read my blog, maybe because I don't tell anyone about it, so I don't think I'm breaking news to anyone when I just say that my Mom died one week ago today. I'm all cried out for now, so I feel a little better. I think my brain got used to the sad thoughts floating around in there and after a few days of tears tears tears I finally stopped crying so much. Now I'm trying to figure out if I'm just in denial about everything (very likely) or if might really be feeling a little better one week later. Probably what's going on is that the news of it, the sudden shock of it, is wearing off a little and now the next bad thing will be in about a month when it is really weird that I haven't talked to her. We've gone 10 days without talking before, so it's not so strange yet, but when it gets to be Fall, when it's Thanksgiving, Christmas, her birthday... I don't even want to think about it.

But I am starting a blog for my mom. I put a link on the side. She was the cool mom that everyone loved, so it's not a terrible blog to visit.

Is Paperwork False Comfort?

I am going to meet with a different mortgage lady today and, I admit, her request for tons of paperwork makes me trust her more already. Is that a false comfort inspired by the bureaucracy of government? She needs tangible things in front of her, so her loan will be more accurate. I feel like that's the thinking that makes me vulnerable to internet scams. Except that I am actually more skeptical that I should be - not that I am full of conspiracy theories, but I think I believe too much in "if it sounds too good to be true, it probably is." That was the problem with the other loan we were offered, it sounded too good to be true.

Here's something equally important: I AM READING THE BEST BOOK RIGHT NOW! Of course, she might completely blow the ending which happens so often, but so far I love Case Histories by Kate Atkinson. It's one of the only books I've read that succeeds in being both a great novel and a great detective. Read it NOW! (okay, not now actually, wait until I finish it).

Nubbin update soon! You will be Shocked and Amazed.

Lament to a Chicken Enchilada

Barbacoa is gone. It just disappeared. It was home to the best chicken enchilada I've ever had, to a cheese trough that ridiculously good, and to a great great mint julep. I guess it just closed up, the owners are doing other things. A new restaurant will open soon that's Euro/French/Northwest. I'm not excited.

Where will I ever find another Ibarra Flan? I'm so sad to see Barbacoa go. Damn them.

Home Buying for the Obsessive

Here's a new directions for my blog - we are pre-approved for a home loan and might start looking as early as August. Of course, the real problem is that we don't have any cash. If only we had some assets to liquidate, but we don't. So, we need to start saving our pennies. Because even if you get a Zero-down loan, that doesn't mean you don't need to have a lot of cash around. Ugh. We actually need about 3% of the price of the home in cash to give away, right away!

I am really excited, though, to start chronicling my obsession with home-buying on my blog. Maybe that will make me not bore people in person with it. First things first, I hate when bank people just skim over the details. I have a couple of questions that I only realize later the mortgage lady should have covered. Why does my pre-approval letter have one interest rate for the loan, but then also quotes an A.P.R that is a full percentage point higher? That seems important. Also, what are discount points and why is it that none of the other first-timers I talk to don't know what they are either? Maybe they're for richer people only.

Here's my other thing - I love the real estate web sites. They are better than ebay, better than sale sections, better than The New York Times, for sucking up time. They are even better than blogging for helping me avoid other things. Better than dirty dishes!

Too Much Fun

I have been having too much fun lately. My house is messy, my novel is lonely, and my plants are out of control. 4th of July is no different. We had another great BBQ in Mom's backyard. Thank goodness for Mom's backyard. But I've also been to a baseball game lately, had some incredible meals, and I've been out visiting friends more than usual. It's summer, that's all there is to it. The summer I missed because I worked too much it wasn't a matter of not being out in the sun, it was that I didn't do enough extra socializing. So here's a little selection of fun photos from the last week. More available if you go to my flickr account.

John got a foot-long. It was kind of gross it was so big. He ate it in the same amount of time I ate my regular one and then, of course, he regretted it.

Ben and Gina, John and I at the Mariners Game. The shortest game I've ever been to, but that was fine because we were really there for the food and drink anyway.


This is my brother being wheeled around in a lounge chair to see if they could drag him to the next party. Having just broken his ankle in a freak slipping accident, he was wisely cautious of the long-distance lounger trip.

Maddy (I know that's not how to spell it) didn't want to get her dress dirty. Who gave her that huge popsicle!?


This year we just took our chairs out into the street and the view was really good. If only we could cut down that tree and turn off the street lights.

Nubbin 3

First go look at the First Nubbin photo, then the Second one, just to remember how tiny it started out just two weeks ago. Then proceed down to the Third, and latest, picture. Yes, I had to go horizontal to get the whole thing in. And I can't help but think that this is why I have house plants (even though they are cluttery and time consuming and I always make a mess when I'm watering) - because it's so frickin cool to watch this thing grow! The other nubbins we noticed and then sort of forgot about, but this one, I am watering more regularly than normal and just generally lavishing with love and attention. It's totally working.

Bowl O'Cheese

At Barbacoa they have an appetizer that is pretty much a bowl of good melted cheese with chorizo mixed in it. What could be better than that? Oh, but then you see your plate afterwards and you think, I've had this three or four times in the last two years, how many years has that taken off my life?

Oh My God Nubbin Update

The Nubbin is so huge! I looked at the exact shooting dates and discovered that the first picture was taken on the 17th and the new picture today is just 10 days later. I hope it gets HUGE!

New Link

I just put a link on the side to my Flickr Site. I've been playing with it WAY more than I should (but starting tonight I am only doing it in the evening when I have already done my writing for the day so I will stop getting in trouble with myself). Anyway, I'm slowly putting my whole trip to France on there, and lately I put together a tour of my walk to work. One hint about Flickr, though - their slide show SUCKS. You can't see the comments and it's all better with the comments, so just click through instead.

10 Line June Beetle

This is the bug we found outside of work a few days ago. It's just a cell phone picture, but you can see it was really cool. I should have put my hand next to it for scale, but it made hissing noises when we disturbed it, so I was being a scaredy-cat. It was at least an inch long. The best thing about the bug though, was that it changed our entire day. We showed it to customers and co-workers, we looked up where it was from. It made me think partly about how urban even our small city is, that we were all fascinated by this bug. But it also made me think of simple pleasures - if only I could find a bug every day.

Nubbin

This is a picture of our cactus nubbin. It grows just a little bit each year and this nubbin always appears like magic. It's very startling when it happens because it's just poking out of the side one day. It's growing so fast it makes me want to set up time-lapse photography around it. I will update the nubbin's growth later.

Double Sunset

Okay, this is obviously a crappy cell phone picture, but it shows a little bit of what a beautiful sunset I saw last night at my Dad's. The clouds were so thick that the sun was completely blocked until it reached the sliver of space along the horizon. It looked almost like two sunsets - first as the sun appeared from behind those dark clouds, then again when it finally dipped behind the Olympics. A beautiful finish to a very nice Father's Day.

Thinking

Ever feel like your brain is on the edge of something? I can feel it shaping itself in the corners of my thoughts. I'm pretty sure I had the whole idea as I was falling asleep last night reading The Position by Meg Wolitzer (so good!). There's been a missing something in my novel for so long, I'm afraid to think I may be on the edge of figuring it out, but something H said the other night is still tickling me. It's right in line with what that weird Andy said to me years ago and what Binnie said to everyone... something about the missing part of the story being personality (mine or Netta's?). But I don't want every story I ever tell to sound like me, I want it to sound like the character... still thinking

Editing

Is it a matter of focus or inspiration? I can'’t tell anymore. When I'’m feeling inspired but I don'’t get anything done then it'’s a focus problem, and vice versa. Today I spent my morning posting pictures and reading a mystery. Then I sat down to write for real and my brain was all over the place - wanting to stop to clip my toenails, to check the weather report, to blow my nose, to see if the earwigs are still hiding in my poppies. I had to force myself not to do the dishes (and I hate doing dishes).

I know where I want the story to go. I think I can feel a worthwhile first draft of the new stuff in me, but I'’m having so much trouble lately actually getting the words on the page. Netta and Seth are trapped in a state of arrival. If I can just let them arrive, then it picks up again with the scenes that I like -– searching for frogs, falling in the mud, the boat on the rocks, all of it.

H suggested working on something else so that I wouldn'’t feel bogged down in the novel and I agreed. But part of me wonders if it'’s actually the opposite problem. I'’ve been letting myself multi-task too much, not forcing myself to really focus on Netta. It'’s like working out, like playing an instrument, like any skill -– you have to practice, but not so much that you get burned out.

So, is it a matter of lack of focus or lack of inspiration?

Reading Recommendations

I've already wasted most of my morning finishing a mystery/thriller I started yesterday morning and posting photos to my blog. Yes, this is going to be a great distraction from writing. Every time I read a good mystery (and Barry Eisler's Rain Fall is a good mystery) I decide I'm going to write my own. I can think up the characters, the location, some of the tension, but I just can't think of the plot, the all-important mystery to drive the Mystery. Of course, a lot of mediocre mysteries forget to put any mystery in and instead just rely on tension - which isn't really the same thing - but I don't want to write a mediocre mystery.

Also, in the last 2 weeks I read The Brief History of the Dead by Kevin Brockmeier, which was so strange and good. The kind of story that would have been maybe terrible except Brockmeier is a great great writer, so it was a great book. And I read a really short, intense novel about child soldiers in Africa called, Beasts of No Nation. Wow, talk about being completely transported to another place and way of living. There, 3 great books to think about, all very different, and now I will go work on my own great book.

Chocolate Cupcake Tower

Chocolate Cupcake Tower, originally uploaded by johnnyblegs.

Yumm, cupcakes are delicious. I would like a cupcake tower please. Oh, I am just loving posting pictures on my blog. It means I don't have to think about what to write about this morning.

Lazy Luna

Lazy Luna, originally uploaded by talldrinkawater3000.

I just had to put this on my blog. First, it's just a cute picture of my sister's dog, but second, I think it almost looks like a professional took it, like maybe she hired someone to come take portraits of Luna. What a little princess sleeping on the couch.

Too tired

Too tired, originally uploaded by Perfect Princess.

oops, I deleted this post on accident, but I really liked having it on my blog.

Earwigs

I am having major earwig problems in my garden. I am usually pretty good about not freaking out about bugs (after a childhood of spider phobia brought on by finding them - at different moments - in my hair, ear, underwear, bed, and sleeping bag), but earwigs give me the serious willies. I am tempted to rip out all my plants and start from scratch. Good thing I'm broke and can't afford to do that. They hide inside the flowers and I'm sure that one of these days I'm going to sniff something beautiful and inhale an earwig into my sinuses. No one gets cut flowers from me this summer until the outbreak is under control.