Loans

I can't write today. I look at my story and all I feel is bitterness. I am so angry at myself right now, so angry about the choices I made at Columbia, I can hardly think. My loan payments are going up in July and up again in March. That will take them from being one third of my monthly income to being almost half my monthly income. It's ridiculous.

And I wasn't even that young when I decided to take out these loans! I wish I could say that I was so young I didn't know what a bad decision I was making, but that isn't really the case. I just thought there was no way I'd make it as far as 2007 without having my book out, without having some sort of advance to sink into the loans and lower the payments. I didn't think I'd be a famous bestseller, but I was positive I'd have a book published. Now the date for the final, brutal increase is getting closer and the book isn't done and I'm going to have to quit the job I love (the job that inspires me) so that I can find a better paying job (that will probably be awful) to pay off the loans I took out to learn about writing.

So I think I'm going to watch Montel Williams or that Regis show because I can't stand to look at this unfinished novel today. And I promise that if I ever have enough money I'm going to start a grant that helps out foolish MFA students like myself by covering their loan payments for a couple years. Better yet, if I'm ever out there on a book tour or something I'm going to tell everyone who asks me about MFA programs that they're great - BUT ONLY IF you don't have to take out a loan to pay for it.